Whispers in the Wind Page 2

  CHAPTER TWO

  The sky in the direction of Reno looked like a canvas painted in shades of gray. It was March and the weather was cold and unsettled.

  “Hope we don’t hit snow over Donner Summit,” Barry said as he drove on Highway I-80 East. He slid two fingers in his shirt pocket for a pack of Marlboros, tapped out a cigarette on the steering wheel, and offered one to Sunny.

  “Get that out of my face. When I quit at New Year’s I said not even stress will make me smoke again. I meant it.”

  “Sorry, I forgot. It’s a habit. Will it mess you up if I have one?”

  “Not at all.”

  Barry lit one for himself and dropped the pack into his pocket.

  While he drove, “Tired of Being Alone” by Al Green came on the radio. Gina had played the song over and over when she lived with Sunny. Blinking back tears, Sunny focused on the blur of scenery between Vallejo and Sacramento while music and memories washed over her.

  “You’ve been quiet.” Barry tilted his head and brought her back to the moment.

  She shook her head. “Damn.”

  “What?”

  “I keep seeing Gina in my head, the first time I ever laid eyes on her. She was standing on the porch of her foster home, waving with one hand, holding her suitcase in the other. It was her eighteenth birthday. She’d aged out of the system and had no place to go.”

  Barry kept his eyes on the road. “She was so young.”

  “Yeah, she’d been there ten years. My friend, Barbara, you remember, she used to be a CPS worker? She talked me into taking Gina as a live-in babysitter.”

  “That was before we got married. But you just let her come to your house to watch Rita? You didn’t know her. You didn’t know what she’d do.”

  “I trusted Barb. And I trusted Gina, right away, as soon as I met her.”

  “Child Protective Service worker or not, that was foolish.”

  “No, I knew she’d be fine, and she was.”

  Sunny remembered Gina sitting in the car. She had said, “Thank you for letting me babysit. I won’t disappoint you.” Sunny went with her gut feeling.

  As she leaned her head against the window the cold from outside seeped into her ear. “I feel so helpless.”

  “I doubt you can do anything. When someone commits suicide it’s hard for the survivors to believe or understand. It leaves the people who loved them guessing.” Sunny could tell Barry was referring to his brother’s suicide years ago. “Sometimes we never do know the reason. We just learn to live with it and keep going.”

  “How could she do it … and leave her boys?”

  “I wish I could give you an answer but I can’t.”

  In her purse, she looked for a tissue and ached to feel smoke curling in her lungs, the nicotine working its way to her brain and numbing her for a while. It was an all too familiar pattern. She fought the urge.

  Then she surprised and hated herself for saying, “I’ll take that cigarette, after all.”

  “Sure? You’ll be back to square one.”

  Sunny raised and lowered her shoulders and half smiled. She’d thought she was strong enough to resist her body’s “raving craving” for nicotine. In the end, her fingers decided for her and reached for the cigarette.

  “You’ve gone this long. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “Just give me a damn cigarette!”

  “Sunny, you said nothing could make you start. Think about it.”

  “I have.”

  Her mental resolve shattered like a quail egg fallen from the nest. I’ll have to quit again and rebuild my strength when all this is over. When and if she would ever be able to stop again was the unanswered question. She couldn’t believe she’d given in so easily. The guilt and pain of Gina’s death caused her determination to collapse.

  He shoved the cigarette between his lips, lit it, and passed it over to her, brushing her fingertips with his.

  As she inhaled, the sweet taste of nicotine and the slight burn in her mouth and throat soothed her frazzled nerves. She couldn’t resist. The pain was too much. She thought about the death of her mother, and how that had affected her for many years.

  CHAPTER THREE

  An hour or so into the trip, Barry patted her on the leg. “We’re close to the Nutt Palm. Do you want to stop for coffee or a bite to eat?”

  “We have to get to Reno.”

  “My head is killing me.”

  She ground out the butt of her cigarette in the ashtray. “Really? I can’t imagine why.”

  He furrowed his brow and didn’t respond.

  The restaurant parking lot was almost full. He found a space at the end of the lot. The Nutt Palm was known for its diverse colored birds. Once inside Sunny was glad they had stopped. She loved the different types of birds housed in large glass cages. Wire mesh stretched across the open top.

  As they waited for a booth, she and Barry watched the birds flutter their rainbow plumage and listened to them chirp.

  After ten minutes, a disheveled waitress seated them. She had a just-jumped-out-of-bed look with rumpled hair and smudged mascara. She seemed to be on autopilot as she served them coffee and took their order: eggs Benedict with fresh-baked sourdough toast. She didn’t flinch at Sunny’s puffy eyes.

  Sunny leaned forward and whispered across the table, “Looks like she also had a hard morning.”

  He smiled. “Or a late night.”

  When they finished, the waitress refreshed their coffee and cleared the table. Through the window Sunny watched smiling families pile out of their cars ready to start their morning. Their happiness, their normality, seemed wrong. Everything seemed wrong.

  How can anyone be happy? My best friend is dead. She pulled a strand of her hair and chewed on the ends.

  Barry’s eyes softened as he stared at her over his coffee mug.

  She hadn’t noticed but she’d let hers get cold. She picked up her cup and drank. She didn’t care. Silent tears trickled down her face.

  He touched her hand and offered her a napkin.

  Sunny wiped her eyes and cheeks, wadded up the napkin, and tossed it on the table. “I’m hurt. And I’m pissed. I feel like I’m in a nightmare and can’t wake up. Gina’s death brings back the pain of my mother’s. My mom, I can understand. She was so sick. But Gina? I just don’t get it.” I should have called her back. Maybe I could have changed things.

  Barry’s hand lingered on his napkin. “I’m so sorry, on both accounts. Hard to understand why she’d do this.”

  The waitress came by, reheated their coffee, and dropped off the check.

  With her elbows on the table, Sunny cradled her forehead in her hands.

  Barry started to reach for her as she looked up, then pulled back and shifted the subject. “I don’t remember, did Gina meet Jesse when she was living with you?”

  “No, she had her own place, but she still watched Rita for me. They met when we went to a sweat.”

  He took money out of his wallet and paid the bill. “You ready to go?”

  He helped her into her jacket, put on his Michelin Man parka, and left the tip. “It’s almost nine. We’ll be in Reno around noon, unless we run into snow.”

  Out of habit, she slipped her arm through his as they walked to the car.

  “You were starting to tell me about Gina and Jesse getting together …”

  “One Sunday, we were at the sweat when Jesse showed up and flirted with Gina. As soon as he walked toward her, with his good looks and his long black hair swaying in the wind, she fell hard for him.”

  He smiled. “Love at first sight?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. Sadly for Gina, when she got pregnant with her first son, Tommy, she was involved with a white man. When she told him she was pregnant, that jerk told her he was married, and that was that. Asshole stayed with his wife. Gina loved him. It was hard on her.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

  “He never came around to see his son.”

&nb
sp; He shook his head. “Wow, that’s tough.”

  “Jesse was so lovestruck he accepted her son along with Gina. Package deal.”

  Her heel caught in a crack on the concrete and she stumbled, lurching forward. Her arm tightened on his.

  “Watch out!” He steadied her.

  “Thanks. They need to fix that. It’s dangerous.” Sometimes he is there for me. She checked the heel of her boot. It wasn’t broken, but her ankle hurt.

  “Pay attention. You could’ve broken something.”

  “Wasn’t my fault.” She was so out of it, so emotional. She had to be careful. She couldn’t afford to get injured.

  “Oh man, I left my lighter on the table. Here’s the car keys. You go on ahead.” He hurried back into the restaurant.

  As she strolled to the car, a family with a dark-haired little girl walked by, playing and twirling. She accidentally bumped into Sunny. For a brief second, the girl looked up at her before she ran away. Sunny could see Gina’s same strong look in the child’s eyes, and started to panic. She couldn’t picture Gina’s face. She couldn’t breathe.

  Running to the car, she unlocked it and got her sketchpad from the back. Sitting at the nearest picnic bench, she took out her pencils and drew frantically. Being unable to remember Gina’s face scared her. Her chest was tight, her forehead felt hot. She could feel droplets of sweat along her hairline. I need to be strong and get my head together.

  Returning, Barry said, “Found my lighter.” He sat next to her. “What’s the matter? You feeling all right?”

  She just kept drawing. He lit a cigarette and waited.

  When she was done she was exhausted. “I was afraid I wouldn’t remember Gina’s face.” She smiled at the picture she’d drawn.

  Barry’s smoke swirled around and around the sketch. “That’s nice, babe. You captured her eyes.”

  “The eyes are the hardest to get right.” Standing tall, she flexed her ankle as she put her pad in her purse. “Thanks, I don’t know what came over me.”

  He held her arm and changed the subject. “Finish telling me how Gina and Jesse got together.”

  Eyes glued to the concrete, she looked down at her boots as they walked back to the car. “Anyway, I think I was saying, Jesse impressed her because he had a good job, and he was single. How could Gina resist?”

  When they reached the car, Barry helped her in.

  She scrunched up her nose. “I never cared for him. And I really never trusted him.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’s too pretty. Eventually, Gina knew he drank and even cheated, but she liked that bad-boy mystique and married him anyway.” Sunny played with the button on her jacket. “You’d think she’d have known better. Like I said, he was hard to resist. I warned her and warned her, but she wouldn’t listen. Not many women could, or would, I guess.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  They drove over Donner Summit in silence. The wind twirled large snowflakes around the car. Pine trees were covered with snow that hung like rolls of cotton, casting dark shadows off the limbs. The smaller trees looked like fluffy white monsters, with snow plopping on the ground.

  Sunny tried to get her emotions together. She wanted to be optimistic, but it came out sounding like she was trying too hard. “Look, Barry, it’s like someone sifted powdered sugar over the whole area.”

  She placed her fist over her heart. “How can it be so beautiful and silent when I feel so damn angry and hurt?” She shook her head. “How could Gina do it?”

  He turned to look at her. “You’ll get through this. You’re strong. Hell, you’re Wonder Woman.”

  “Don’t call me that! It’s not true. I don’t do everything myself. You know I hate th—”

  THUD.

  “What the hell?” Barry gripped the steering wheel with both hands and pumped the brakes. The car shuddered as it skidded into a small snowbank.

  Sunny gasped and grabbed the hand grip. “Was that a flat?”

  Barry looked in his rearview mirror and saw a small whitetail doe lying in the road.

  “Shit! We hit a deer. Wait here. I’ll go check.” He got out of the car, forgetting he’d worn tennis shoes. Sunny watched him sink into the snow. “Damn it!” he yelled.

  Her stomach churned as she opened the door to help him.

  “Stay in the car, it’s too cold. I’ll take care of it.” He sloshed behind the car, bent down to look at the lifeless doe.

  She turned and watched as he dragged it to the side of the road, then walked around and checked the front of the car, shook the snow off his shoes, and scooted back into the driver’s seat.

  Her chin trembled. She knew it sounded childish but she couldn’t help it. “Why does everything around me have to die?”

  Sighing, he ignored her remark. “I looked at the front of the car. Only the headlight and bumper are damaged. It’s drivable. I can get it fixed in Reno, but I have to get out of these wet shoes before my feet freeze.”

  He grabbed his boots from the back seat and changed into them, then tossed his tennis shoes onto the floorboard behind his seat.

  He started the car and turned the steering wheel while stepping on the gas. The tires spun in place, roaring round and round. He stepped on the brake, then the gas, then the brake, rocking the car back and forth. He hit the gas again and pulled out of the snow and onto the road to the hum of the tires grinding through the icy slush. “We’re lucky the roads were plowed and there’s no traffic,” he said.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The rhythm of the tires on the ice filled the silence once again. The snowbanks and trees were behind, with the snow blowing off the branches onto the windshield. Past Truckee, Verdi, and Boomtown into Reno, everything was covered with white patches of snow pillows on roofs. The other parts of town looked dry and barren with yellow-brown sticks, sagebrush, rocks, and hard ground. It was a dismal morning with dark clouds darting in and out under gray skies.

  Sunny struggled. She was on the verge of telling Barry about her last conversation with Gina, then changed her mind. She didn’t need an argument. Would he blame me? Why did I say what I did to her? I could have fixed it. Now it’s too late. She watched the scenery. “I never noticed how dead the desert looks.”

  He glanced at her. “Especially in late winter.”

  Seeing the flat-faced buildings pass by, down the streets of Reno, knowing Gina would never see these places again, she swallowed hard. Several sights came into view: Bill Fong’s New China Club, the Comstock Casino, and Harrah’s. As she passed a bar called Rae’s, she pointed and tapped her fingernails on the window. Rae’s was boarded up.

  Sadness was in her voice as she clutched her throat. “That was the Indian bar where everyone hung out. Remember when I came up to Reno to help Gina, when she had Jesse’s first baby?”

  Barry nodded. “Yeah, you were so mad when you came home.”

  “Did I ever tell you about the night Martin was born?”

  “Probably, but I don’t remember.” He pulled out a pack of Marlboros, nudged two cigarettes out, handed her one, and pushed in the cigarette lighter.

  She hated that she took the cigarette, but she did.

  Staring out the window she said, “I went looking for Jesse and found him in Rae’s Bar. There he sat at the bar, on a stool, with some girl on his lap, their arms wrapped around each other and his face buried in her breasts.”

  Sunny stopped talking long enough for him to light her cigarette. “I walked up behind him and slapped him on the back of his head. Surprised the crap out of him.” She sighed, her mouth turned up. “I told him, ‘Your wife just gave birth to your son, and here you are with your face all up in some bitch’s chest. Let’s go!’”

  “What did he say?”

  “He didn’t say anything. Got up, rolled his eyes, shrugged, and walked out. I admit I enjoyed the hell out of breaking up that little love scene.”

  She leaned her head back against the seat and took a long drag, blowing out the smoke, and gazed
at clouds drifting across the sky.

  With a slight cough she said, “I guess he never changed.”

  A short time later Barry drove past the police station and turned left on Park Street. They pulled up in front of a little brick house, shutters trimmed in black, with a red porch.

  Sunny jumped out of the car practically before it stopped.

  “Hey, slow down,” he hollered, then turned off the engine and followed her up the steps.

  She knocked hard and waited for Rita to open the door.

  “Mom! This is a surprise. I just got home. Hi, Dad.” She gave each a hug.

  Her daughter looked like a teenager instead of a twenty-two-year-old, with her brown hair pulled up in a ponytail. She stood eye to eye with her mother, both less than five feet four.

  Tears welled in Sunny’s eyes. She pointed to the beige couch in the living room, behind which Rita stood. “Sit down.”

  “What’s wrong?” Rita’s eyes widened, accentuating their gold flecks.

  Sunny sat on the sofa next to her, grabbed her daughter’s hands, and held them to her chest. Barry sat in the recliner across the room and leaned forward.

  “I have some terrible news.” Sunny’s voice cracked on the last word. Tears flowed. “Gina’s dead. She … ki … killed herself. Last night.”

  “What?” Rita jumped up, looking from her mother to her dad and back again, her eyes begging them to say she’d misunderstood.

  “No! She couldn’t! I don’t believe it! Why would she do that? Oh my God, Mom!” Rita made gagging noises. She could hardly catch her breath.

  “Breathe. Do you hear me? Take a deep breath.” Sunny’s cheeks were damp, her nose ran. She stood and put her arms around Rita, making motherly noises and pats.

  Barry hurried to the kitchen and came back with a wet paper towel that he gave Rita. “Here, wipe your face.” They sat on each side of her as she sobbed.

  She grabbed a tissue. “I don’t understand. That’s crazy.”

  Two hours passed during which they discussed Gina’s suicide, trying to understand through their shock.

  After Rita calmed down, spent from her pain and bewilderment, Sunny and Barry got up to leave. “We’ll see you at Gina’s.”